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THE LANGUAGE OF LOVE & MARRIAGE


What can be said of LOVE? Other than it is essential to the existence of the human race. We all naturally feel the urge to show and to receive love. So, if it is an instinct as natural as walking, talking and eating, then how come we haven’t got it right as a race for millions of years? How come we feel short changed in our marriages? How come it is so easy for a couple who once professed love for one another all of a sudden feel the urge to call it quits?

Some say Love is like ‘The state of Utopia’ [desirable but not attainable]. Yet, we see some marriages celebrate their silver jubilees, golden jubilees today and when you ask them what has kept them going for all these years, they are quick to tell you ‘It’s Love’. But somehow, we like to conclude that they must be tolerating each other or out rightly just pretending to themselves or they’re still together because of their children’s sake.

Well, there might just be a logical explanation why some marriages have stood the test of time, remained true and successful, and funny enough, it’s simply for the reason of ‘Genuine Love’ between the couple.

Now, Love can be almost accurately defined as a natural, unconditional and affectionate feeling from one to another. But sadly, as most of us have just found out, that natural, unconditional and affectionate feeling from one to another does not necessarily guarantee a successful married life! We go into courtship [for those who got married by the book] and take our time to ensure that we are marrying our spouse for the right reasons, yet 3-4 years down the line we’re thinking : maybe I made a wrong decision? Maybe I should have married X, YorZ?!

For those at this crossroad in life everything becomes static and their marriage begins to nose dive. We might feel discouraged by all these feelings of disappointment in our marriages, and anytime it’s time to go home we say “NOT AGAIN”!!! But maybe we need to just calm down and reconsider some natural factors. Love in itself is a ‘feeling’ and because of this fact, it makes it impossible for it to be expressed in a universal way. So don’t go comparing your marriage to someone else’s. Each of us have our own understanding of what we call Love; probably based on what makes us ‘TICK’ and this I’ll like to call our own “Language of Love”.

“It is the failure to learn of each others Language of Love before deciding to get married in the first place that makes most of us right now feel that we are in a wrong marriage, OR that our spouse has changed! Because we no longer feel loved! If your spouse stops doing those things that you understand to mean Love or call Love; it is natural for you to feel rubbed in the wrong way about this and you eventually start to become unhappy with the marriage. But maybe if we had considered each others Language of Love before getting married and ensuring that we could satisfy them when we got married, then possibly we wouldn’t be at the state of unhappiness we are right now”.

For example, some people [men and women] interpret giving gifts or receiving gifts to mean “Love”. To these set of people, sharing of gifts speaks volume to them and they immediately feel loved, every other affectionate expressions of Love may not necessarily matter to them. To some; a romantic lunch or dinner will make them feel elated. To some; flattery words of compliments will make their day anytime. To some; a simply well composed poetry of how much they mean to their spouse could lead them to tears. To some; spending time together chatting, sharing secrets and cuddling is their view of Love, while to some; sex is the ultimate key to their hearts!

With this thought at the back of my head, I decided to ask a bunch of friends (singles and married) at a gathering what their personal take on Love was; and unsurprisingly about every single person in the room had a unique interpretation of Love! One even said Love was unattainable with no human being able to fulfill the ‘unconditional’ aspect of Love in its’ true definition. AND THIS MAY JUST BE THE REASON WHY THERE IS A LOT OF DIVORCE IN OUR MARRIAGES TODAY. NO ONE IS PREPARED TO LOVE UNCONDITIONALLY (FOR BETTER OR WORSE, IN SICKNESS OR IN HEALTH, FOR RICHER OR POORER). IF THIS ISN’T SO, THEN ANSWER: HOW MANY OF US WILL REMAIN IN OUR MARRIAGES IF OUR SPOUSE SUDDENLY DEVELOPS A DISABILITY? OR WE FIND OUT 3 YEARS DOWN THE LINE THAT OUR SPOUSE HAS AN UNCONTROLLED SEXUAL CRAVING?!

LOVE IN MOST MARRIAGES TODAY IS ON MORE OF A “SCRATCH MY BACK AND I SCRATCH YOUR BACK” BASIS. WE MAY NOT WANT TO ADMIT IT, BUT THE TRUTH IS MOST OF US TODAY ARE IN A MARRIAGE OF CONVENIENCE! AND AT THE APPEARANCE OF ANY LITTLE DISCOMFORT OR SOMETHING WE DIDN’T ENVISAGE, WE WILL DASH TO THE DOOR.

THIS OUGHT NOT TO BE SO;

IF WE CAN FIND “LOVE” IN OUR MARRIAGES, WE WILL FIND HAPPINESS, AND THIS LOVE THAT WE REFER TO AS “HAPPINESS” WILL ULTIMATELY LEAD TO IMPROVEMENT IN ALL AREAS OF OUR LIFE: WORK/BUSINESS, HEALTH, FRIENDS/NEIGHBOURS AND MOST OF ALL PROSPERITY!

LOVE IS SO MANY WORDS IN ONE “TOLERANCE, FORGIVENESS, PERSEVERANCE, SACRIFICE, CARE, DEDICATION, FORBEARING” ETC.

HAVE A BLESSED WEEK AND REMAIN IN LOVE, BUT MOST OF ALL, EXPRESS LOVE…

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